Monday, December 5, 2011
Gord's Liver numbers have been on the rise for the past while & starting to get into the 'danger zone'. The steroids & other drugs he's on, the nutrition that runs through the IV (TPN) & possible GvHD of the liver are possible reasons for the rise. On Friday the Dr told us he was going to stop the TPN to see if that made a difference in the numbers.
It didn't. They are continuing to rise. Like everything else, it seems like it's all about waiting. We just have to wait & see if the Campath is going to do its job. Guys? Waiting sucks!
I spent a long day at the hospital today. I've been going every day (except this past Saturday) and normally I just knit, read, or play a race car game on the ipad while he sleeps. Today I tried to be more present with him. While he slept I held his hand & just focused all of my thoughts & energy on him. On us. On everyone who knows & loves him of which I know there are plenty. I've been really amazed by the response this blog is getting - I can see by the stats tracker that people from all over the world are checking in for updates (amazing!). I started my craft blog 6 years ago & it has just over 6000 page views. I started this one 3 weeks ago and it has almost 2000 (and hey - don't be afraid to comment!). I mentioned this to Gord & he said "I'm a very popular guy...."
Gord is a very popular guy. His friend Chris came by tonight to visit. Gord was asleep for most of it, so Chris & I just talked quietly. My relationship with Gord is definitely stronger because of the cancer & the transplant - going through that kind of thing really makes a couple see what they're made of, but it has changed our dynamics quite a bit. Seeing your partner so sick - emptying their barf bowl, taking an active interest in the amount & consistency of their diarrhea, trying to maintain a normal tone of conversation while they're absolutely fucked up on massive amounts of Morphine can take away just a little bit of the romance between you. It can make that person way more of a 'patient' than a 'partner'. So tonight, Chris crouched down on the floor beside me & told me some stories about Gord. He told me about the first time he ever met him, about some highschool hijinx, about music making. I really needed to hear it all. I really needed to hear about Gord the artist, the music maker, the friend. I needed someone other than a Dr to talk to me about something other than Gord the Patient.
One of the things that amazes me about Gord is how many good friends he's had for a very, very long time. Most of his closest friends he's known since high school, and in some cases, like Chris - since grade school. Chris told me about the first time he met Gord - on the playground in 1980. He was wearing a worn in denim jacket with a bunch of pins on it. Punk at 8 years old.