Thursday, January 12, 2012

foggy day.

The last three days were the best gift. They were just what I wanted. To see Gord smile, laugh, engage in conversation, share was wonderful.
Yesterday he had 23 visitors! TWENTY THREE! He was moved down the hall to a larger room & I get the feeling they did it to accommodate his well-wishers.
Today has been mostly sleep. He's exhausted. There's a little confusion, but mostly he's tired. They did a lumbar puncture to check for meningitis & a CT Scan this morning to check on his lungs. He's had a cough for a couple of days.

The CT Scan was clear for pneumonia, but showed that his lungs are being pushed up a little by his diaphragm from lying in bed for so long.  We'll get the results of the LP tomorrow.
He's slipping. I know it. I am nuzzling my face into the crook of his neck as much as I can & just trying to savour & drink up these moments with him. I'm trying so hard to stay in the moment, stay present. I will worry about how I'll feel when this is over when it's over. I did go to the PMH library for some preemptive guidance. "Can I help you?" The volunteer asked. " you have like...a pamphlet on how to deal with loss? Like... a brief bullet point list of how to deal with the crappiest shit ever?"
"Actually, yes we do."


  1. Lever, screw or inclined plane, Nikki- Simple Machines. I am both sorry and glad that we tired Gord out, he really was in fine fettle yesterday and it was truly great to have a classic hook-up with some of the vintage rogues gallery

  2. My heart is breaking for all of you. You 3 are such special people, obviously - to have 23 visitors??!! holey moley! Good luck with your days, ahead - Nuzzle away!
    -Leanne xo

  3. I know that pamphlet...good to have but don't read it now. Stay in the present and savour the moments. We all send you love and strength. So glad that people are visiting Gord-you need the support.

  4. Stay strong Nikki,and drink him up! Please give Gord a kiss for me, for us.
    Love you three,

    Shane & Frances