anniversary.

This last week was our anniversary. On February 4th, 2006, we were on my back deck smoking cigarettes & Gord asked me if I would want a boyfriend.
"Depends on who it was"
"It'd be me".
"Well then, I think that'd be great".

We had had our first date only 2 days before & I guess we both knew right away that we'd be a good match. After we became boyfriend & girlfriend on my back deck, we went to a show.  His friend's band was playing. When we got there, I ended up knowing a lot of people since his friend's band was opening for my friend's band.
'You're out of my league' he said to me.
When he went to get us beers, I looked at him from across the room & wondered if I could 'date an old guy'. Thinking back on these two things now, knowing what I know about him, and about me, it seems pretty hilarious. HE was out of my league (but eventually I think our playing field evened out quite nicely) and yeah....for someone who would have made a terrific 'old guy' he wasn't there yet. Not at all.

From then on we became nearly inseparable. I'd go to his apartment & he'd cook dinner. We'd drink coffee & he'd make music while I sat on the floor knitting. We'd curl up on his futon & listen to radio... The Best Show or This American Life or The Great Eastern. We went for lots of walks & bike rides. We watched his fine collection of The Urban Peasant on VHS. We'd make plans - lots of them.

It's really crazy to think that we only spent 6 years together. It felt like a lot longer than that. He moved in with me June 2007. Very shortly after that he started getting sick - undiagnosed. He went to the Doctor right when things started. The problem with Leukemia I guess is that the symptoms are so random & of course checking for cancer isn't the first thing they do - he was put on an inhaler, he was given a prescription for physiotherapy, he was told to take advil 'as needed' - even if that meant all day long. After months of back pain, fatigue, excessive night sweats, body aches and vomiting we went to the ER. It was Sunday, October 21, 2007. I started my brand new job the next day. By the end of the week, he had been diagnosed with Leukemia.

And that's how it started.

first steps.

I'm counting today at the first day of the rest of my life.

My mom, after graciously dropping everything & basically moving in here for over 2 months, has gone home. Now Frankie & I officially embark on our adventure.
So far, that adventure has involved mostly eating snacks, naps, flipping through books & exploring. Every once in a while she stops what she's doing & just looks at me & smiles. She's never really done that & it's making me think....okay...yeah....her & me. We can do this.

The last 2 weeks have been weird - but not as weird as I thought they'd be. Really, I don't think it's all sunk in yet. Maybe it never will? It feels like I was in a 4+ year long horror movie where I could never, ever relax because the bad guy could attack *at any time* and now the bad guy is gone & never coming back, but he took my most very best friend with him. 

Last night I went out - to a friend's house to eat (lots of) pizza & casually celebrate some birthdays & drink some drinks. I wasn't going to go, but my mom (bless her) told me I should. I went, I had fun. I laughed - I laughed for real. I was reminded that my life is going to go on. One night, about a month ago, as I was leaving the hospital Gord asked if I was reading & singing & playing with Frankie "Yes! Of course!" 'Good....keep our life alive.' I'm trying to - Gord, I'm really going to try. I want to make a happy, colourful, simple, creative, safe home for my kid. The same as Gord & I wanted to do together.

Re-reading through this blog now, I realize there are some holes that need to be filled. At the visitation, I was talking to a good family friend of the High's who came to visit Gord often while he was in the hospital & was there the day he passed. "I need to fill in the blanks - it's like one day he's sitting up in bed & everything's going so great & then the next day it's all dramatic & 'all treatment has stopped!'" and she said "well, that's kind of exactly how it went." And yeah, you know? That *is* how it went because everything was so up & down & all over the place. So, in a totally self indulgent way, if only to have it all written down somewhere so that if she's ever interested, Frances can read all about what a superhero her dad was, I'll probably start sharing my memories of Gord's illness.

Service streaming

Since Gord's friends span the globe, there have been requests to stream the service. So, if you are unable to make the service on Monday, please feel free to tune in & join with us as we celebrate him.

Our friend Jeff has set up a justin.tv channel & will be streaming the service.
Here's his channel: http://www.justin.tv/jeffreymutch

You can go there on Monday a bit before 11am EST and he should have it up and running, barring any problems with a mobile connection. justin.tv does have ads in the stream, but from what he understands they are just at the very beginning, so maybe start it a bit early to avoid interruption.

You can go to this link at any time beforehand to make sure you have the right plugins/codes installed. Your browser should guide you through the instructions if you need to install anything.

 Technology, eh?

from our family..

Dear Friends and Family, we would like to sincerely and with heartfelt gratitude thank all those who have through kindness and caring comforted Nicole, the High and the Winer families in this time of grief.  Your thoughts and prayers are deeply appreciated.
 
Many have been asking how they can best help Nicole and baby Frankie in a meaningful way. The family is extremely grateful for this collective outpouring of concern and is setting up an Education and Care Fund for Frankie.
 
Those who wish to contribute to helping to contribute to Frankie’s future can make a personal donation to Nicole. All funds collected will be going directly to securing the well-being and care of young Frances. There will be an envelope located at the visitation throughout Sunday for convenience.
 
Again, thank you to family and friends who have expressed their condolences. Though we can never replace the loss of Gord’s light from our lives, we have a beautiful living reminder of the love he brought to us and to this world and for that  we will always be endlessly thankful.

Visitation will be at the Cresmount Funeral Home, 322 Fennell Avenue East, Hamilton on Sunday January 22nd, 2-4pm and 7-9pm. Interment will be held Monday January 23rd, 11:00am, at Cresmount 322 Fennell Avenue East, followed by a celebration of Gord's life, friends and family at the 1020 Upper James St Cresmount location also in Hamilton. For additional information: www.cresmountfennellchapel.com/

With Love,
The Winer and High Families

plans.

The last two days have been so surreal.

I haven't really had a chance to process everything that has happened - and I'm not just talking about Gord dying, I'm talking about the last 4 1/2 years of my life. This morning I woke up with my whole body aching - my back & shoulder muscles hurting, my legs, my feet, my head, everything felt beat up. I said to my dad 'I feel like I ran a marathon.'.... "you have."
I'll write more (lots more) about this when I have had a chance to sit down & think clearly for a while.

Yesterday funeral arrangements started being made - for those of you who would like to attend:
visitation: Sunday, January 22 (Gord's 41st birthday) 2-4pm & 7-9pm
Service: Monday, January 23 11:00am.
Both at Cresmount funeral home on Fennell ave in Hamilton.
A reception will be held afterwards at the Cresmount location on Upper James. When my dad & I went to see the reception room & decide if it would be big enough, "Do you mind noise?" I asked... "We LOVE noise." - so, if you are inclined, feel free to bring your instrument of choice.

In lieu of flowers, some family will be setting up a care & education fund for Frankie. I'll pass along more information as it becomes available. At first I was like 'Nawwww...' but she's already kind of a genius, so I'm pretty sure she's going to at least graduate high school.

If you are on facebook, please feel free to join 'gordslist:Friends of Gord High' which, since it began yesterday has already proven to be an amazing community of people who just love the heck out of this guy. It's really wonderful to read everyone's stories & memories of him.

xoxo

GPH

Gord High.
Jan 22, 1971 - Jan 16, 2012.

boomselection

Only barely scraping the surface....(and proper alignment be damned!)
(some 'rock' not included in his boomselection, but I got those songs on my mind tonight)